I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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