So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
