I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
