Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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