last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
