she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
