Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
