What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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