Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if only i could text you this smell
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize