nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
