I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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