you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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