He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
