How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My ATM looks so different sober.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
