the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
