She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
