just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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