so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
