she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize