is your mom at the bar?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He? As in you personified your dick?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
