I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
