apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
