Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i don't like sucking hair
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
