The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
