I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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