I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
