not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
