very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
