I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
