There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hippo gnu deer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
