my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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