Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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