When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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