i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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