I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
