broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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