she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
