Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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