I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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