i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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