My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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