Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
