Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
