You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
