i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
