Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize