What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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