Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize