How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
