I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
