May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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