i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
