my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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