yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
false alarm. still invincible.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
