Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
