lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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