dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
