Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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