but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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