dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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