Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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