By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
