I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
