i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
