Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
