I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
