My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
