why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
