Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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