I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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