Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
where am i from again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
