if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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