just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
