I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
