It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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