About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
