Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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