i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
