There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
