someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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